


better days

by minttobe_treehill



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:21:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21910684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minttobe_treehill/pseuds/minttobe_treehill
Summary: Set in 3x10. Eddie thanks Buck for the Christmas surprise at the station.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 22
Kudos: 350





	better days

**Author's Note:**

> Title from The Goo Goo Dolls' 'Better Days'.
> 
> *Also, if you're reading this, it means I haven't checked this twice because it's 4am as I'm posting this and I'm cringing at my own words. Sorry for any mistakes!

Everyone looks ecstatic, blissful. Eddie can’t even remember the last time the whole group looked this happy and relaxed - hell, he can’t remember the last time  _ he _ felt like this. There’s something about Christmas that always makes him feel weirdly emotional, almost at home, but looking around the station and seeing everyone makes Eddie realize it’s not about Christmas, it’s not about the time of year, it’s about the people, about who you decide to spend the final days of the year with - that’s what feels like home.

Speaking of,  _ where’s Buck?  _ Eddie hasn’t seen him in a while, the last time with his knees on the floor next to Chris, talking to him and tickling him, making him laugh and also Eddie’s grandma in the process. 

He spots Hen and Karen near him, sharing a quiet conversation, “Hey”, he says, putting his hand on Hen’s shoulder and stepping closer to them. “Have you seen Buck?”, he asks, hoping to sound as innocent as possible.

It’s Hen we’re talking about, though - she smiles, Eddie thinks almost knowingly, shares a look with Karen and looks back at him, “your boy is downstairs, doing God knows what”, she says with a smile.

Eddie cocks his head, squeezing her arm and looking back at Karen, who’s sipping from her glass of wine, with stars in her eyes and a smile on her lips. “Thank you”, he says before stealing another glance at Hen and walking down the stairs. 

_ Your boy.  _ Somehow that kind of became a thing a few months ago, hearing Hen and also Chim say that to him and also referring to Buck as his boy whenever they talked to each other. They keep it low, never say it in front of Buck except for one time where Eddie was late to his shift because there had been quite the traffic when he went to drop of Christopher at school and Hen had told him,  _ Finally! Your boy has been asking about you for half an hour _

the moment he had stepped in the station; Buck was right behind her and all he did was turn red, bite the inside of his cheek and approach Eddie, asking him if he was okay, if Christopher was alright, looking at the floor way too many times, clearly embarrassed. 

“Hey”, Eddie whispers, not wanting to startle him. Buck is in the changing room, not facing Eddie but the lockers, and it looks like he’s buttoning his shirt. It looks like he startles him anyway, seeing how he almost jumps in place, and Eddie holds the laughter that suddenly builds up in his chest, settling for a warm smile he’s glad anyone can’t see.

“Oh, hey, everything okay?”. Buck looks behind his shoulder, his right leg up on the bench now, tying his shoelace. 

“Yeah, of course”, Eddie says. He doesn’t know where to stand. Should he sit on the bench, next to Buck? Face him and rest his body against the lockers? Stay right where he is? He settles for the latter.

Buck stands and turns around, looking at Eddie. “What are you doing down here?, Eddie asks.

“Oh, I’m stupid, I spilled some tomato sauce on my shirt and I had a spare so I came here to change”, Buck says with a shrug. 

Eddie feels his cheek go a bit red just by thinking he could’ve caught him shirtless with just with his undershirt on. He wonders when that started being a thing, when he started feeling giddy and nervous by the mere thought of Buck’s body. He guesses not even remembering when that started to happen says everything, really. 

“Eddie?”, he asks, bringing him back to reality, looking at him with a small smile on his lips but also a frown, looking almost worried.

“Yeah, yes, sorry”, Eddie says, feeling the heat on his cheeks. He also wonders when he started being this embarrassing, or if he’s always been like this around Buck. “I— I just wanted to thank you. I can’t believe you arranged all of this”, Eddie tells him, waving his right hand in the air.

Buck smiles and looks down for a second before looking back at him, “It was mostly Athena, though”

“But it was  _ your _ idea”

“I guess so”

Eddie nods with the faint of a smile playing on his lips. He rests his back on the glass door behind him, both hands interlaced behind himself, still looking at Buck, entranced by the atmosphere they seem to create every time they’re alone. Eddie used to be scared of it, of the way it almost felt like words had stopped being enough, like he couldn’t quite grasp all the feelings he was started to develop towards his best friend, how it felt so different and new but also like the most common and natural feeling in the world. How do you explain that without putting too much of yourself out there? Without risking one of the strongest bonds in your life you’ve somehow managed to create?

“I did it for me too”, Buck suddenly says, still standing awkwardly in the middle of the changing room, with his calves pressed against the bench behind him.

Eddie lifts his eyebrows and cocks his head to the side, silently asking Buck to continue.

“I wanted to spend Christmas together”, he says. There’s a raw honesty in his eyes that almost gets coated by the way he just simply admits it, like it was the most normal and common thing in the world, like it didn’t have millions of implications behind it, like he didn’t know how he makes Eddie’s heartbeat immediately speed up.

He smiles to the ground, unable to keep looking at Buck’s eyes for much longer, and nods, “Yeah, it’s always nice to spend these days with everybody”

“I meant with Christopher”

Eddie looks up, taken back by the confession. Buck is looking at him with bright eyes, waiting for him to say something, looking almost scared by whatever it is Eddie is gonna say next - but he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know how to answer, what to say to that. 

He swallows, clears his throat and tries to hide the smile that threatens to give it all away, “What about me?”

Buck chuckles loudly and that only sends shivers to Eddie’s body. He pays attention to every single thing Buck does, to the way his cheeks go a bit red, to how he smiles and tries to hide it by biting his lower lip and pressing his tongue to the inside of his left cheek. When he looks up at Eddie again, he lifts his eyebrows and asks him, “What about you?”

Eddie rolls his eyes, crossing his ankles but standing still in place. He puts on a smug face, feeling Buck’s eyes on him, and sneakily checks no one is around, that everybody is still upstairs. He presses his fingers together behind his back, trying to calm his beating heart. 

He looks at Buck, “You didn’t wanna spend Christmas with me or what?”

Buck smiles and looks down to his hands, also playing with his own fingers, looking as nervous as Eddie himself. He presses his lips together and moves his feet, changing the weight of his body from foot to foot. He looks up at Eddie again, through his eyelashes, still touching his hands, and just shrugs with a small smile on his face.

“Wow, okay, okay”, Eddie says, faking annoyance, the lie lying there in the constant smile on his face, “So you basically spend time with me just because of my son, huh? You’re using me, I’m heartbroken” 

This back and forth feels obvious now. They’ve always had it, since the moment they met, how it almost feels like they’ve never had this connection, stained with jealousy and insecurity when they first met, but still an undeniable bond between them. But right now it feels like there’s no coming back, and Eddie doesn’t want to, he just wants to keep going forward, to take every single step that’s necessary to be with Buck, to completely cross the lines and make the distance disappear. 

Buck is smiling, Eddie can even see the tongue between his teeth, making him look even younger. He takes a step forward and crosses his arms on his chest, still laughing and looking at Eddie, who’s looking at him with soft eyes and a smile on his lips. But suddenly, Buck drops the smile and looks more serious, touches the back of his neck with his left hand and uncrosses his arms again, visibly nervous. Eddie’s insides twitch, feeling a burn on the pit of his stomach.

“Of course I wanted to spend Christmas with you, Eddie, I thought that was obvious”, he simply answers. And maybe that’s just Eddie, maybe he’s so gone for Buck that his ears are deceiving him, but he can hear the intensity behind those words, behind the way he looks at the floor when he says the word  _ obvious _ . 

Eddie swallows and can’t even stop what comes out of his mouth, “Spend Christmas Eve with Christopher and I”, he says, pushing his body forward with the help of his own hands against the glass behind him. 

“Christmas Eve?”

Eddie laughs, embarrassed, brushing the palms of his hands together and looking down at his own feet before looking up at Buck again, who’s wearing a sweet grin on his face, “New Year’s Eve”, he corrects himself.

“Ah”, he answers even if by the look on his face it was clear that he knew what Eddie had meant from the beginning. There’s also a light blush on his cheeks and Eddie can’t help but stare, just look at him and the way his eyes are full of light. “Are you sure?”

“Yes”, he doesn’t even wait half a second to answer him, he just wants Buck to understand how much he wants to spend time with him.

“And Chris will be alr—”

“Yes, Buck, yes”, he says, stepping even closer to him. Buck doesn’t move, their chests almost touching, and that’s what Eddie counts as a small victory. “He’d love to have you over”

“And you?”

Eddie finds himself moving his eyes from right to left, still fixed on Buck’s, trying to decipher what kind of response he’s expecting off him. He knows what’s the truth, he knows what he wants to answer, what he’d be willing to tell him if he knew it wouldn’t break what they have. 

He presses his lips together, “My home is yours, Buck”

Eddie’s heart is beating faster than before, if that’s even possible, but what makes it difficult for him to keep breathing is the way Buck’s eyes close for more than they should, like they do when you’re so relaxed you can’t keep them open or even when something hits you right on the chest and your body can’t quite comprehend it. Eddie lets himself believe, at least for now, that Buck is feeling exactly the same thing. 

Buck presses his own lips together, creating a thin line, and his eyes look bigger than before, looking at Eddie in a way he’s never seen him do. Eddie takes his time to keep looking at him, silently telling himself maybe he should’ve gone for the truth, even if it’s just to get rid off this tension between them, like two magnets fighting not to come together, as if the attraction was too much and they needed to stop it.  _ You’re my home.  _ But it’s cheesy and corny and he doesn’t know if he’s allowed. 

He blinks and looks at his lips, at his neck, at the way Buck’s taller than him and his shoulders look broader, how it’s very noticeable when they’re this close. He focuses on the collar of his shirt, crumpled; he doesn’t stop to think what he’s doing when he reaches out and touches it delicately to put it in place, brushing Buck’s neck with the tips of his fingers. He could swear he feels an intake of breath from him, maybe even the quiet sound of a pounding heart that isn’t Eddie’s. He looks up and doesn’t even see the ghost of a smile on Buck’s face, but he doesn’t look uncomfortable, just serious, like he’s trying to hold himself in place, quiet, still. Eddie can’t see anything but  _ blue blue blue _ . 

He holds the triangle that Buck’s collar forms in between his fingers, caressing the cloth but still looking at him in the eyes, so intensely he almost feels like his own legs are shaking. “Buck”, he whispers. He doesn’t know what he wants to say - hell, he doesn’t even know if he’s about to say something, but he couldn’t quite control the way his name just slipped through his lips, maybe like a plea, maybe a question, maybe even just a whisper or a tiny promise about something he’s yet to figure out. 

Eddie feels Buck on his hips, the belt not tight enough for him not to feel the light pressure of his fingers around him, steading him and probably even silently asking him to stay in place, not to take a step backwards - Eddie hopes it’s also him asking for him to take a step forward. He feels small in his little embrace but he also feels like there’s nothing he can do, like he’s good enough for once, that’s what Buck’s stare on him is making him feel, and Eddie can’t help but try to understand. He bites his bottom lip at the same time Buck decides to speak, just a whisper inaudible for anyone who isn’t Eddie. 

“Eddie, please, I can’t get any more obvious”

And there it is again, that word:  _ obvious _ . He almost feels it’s always been between them and everyone knows. Maybe everyone but them. 

Buck brushes his nose against his and Eddie feels that’s enough for a clue. He closes his eyes as he takes the last step, not with his feet but with his face, with his hands, now wrapped around Buck’s neck in the most gentle way he knows, feeling his pulse and the heat of his against against his fingers. He kisses Buck gently at first, just putting his lips on his with a light turn of his face so his noses don’t clash. He feels Buck’s fingers pressing against his sides, stronger than before, now definitely holding him in place so he doesn’t let go. He doesn’t, it’s the last thing he wants right now, so he keeps his lips on Buck for a few seconds before he braces himself to let go just enough so his lips aren’t touching but his faces are still close. 

Eddie feels like his heart is gonna explode. He feels Buck’s breath on his face and just as he’s about to open his eyes to look at him, he feels Buck’s lips on his again, this time with more intent, more pressure, more decision. He catches Buck’s upper lip between his and kisses him back, both of them with open mouths. Eddie starts feeling the blush on his neck, going up to his cheeks and lets his fingers travel to the back of Buck’s head, urging him even closer to him - to what Buck responds with a groan, still kissing Eddie with so much force their whole bodies are pressed together in a tight embrace. 

Suddenly, Eddie feels a hand cupping his face as Buck opens both their mouths even more, kissing him with tongue, and the kiss turns passionate, Eddie feeling hotter as he keeps his body pressed against Buck. His heart keeps beating fast and loud and his stomach burns, but his head feels light, almost as if he can think and breathe for the first time in years. Buck groans and moans against his mouth and Eddie feels the sudden urge to press him against the wall or whatever surface he manage to find without breaking the kiss. He doesn’t remember the bench between the lockers and their bodies, so when he takes a step further and Buck feels the bench pressing against his sins, it’s too late and Buck falls backwards, unconsciously holding tightly to Eddie and making him fall on top of him.

“Wow, wow”, Buck says when their lips separate because of the sudden change in their position. 

Eddie manages to press his right knee on top of the bench and holds Buck so he doesn’t hit his head against the lockers or even completely falls backwards and hurts himself. He’s scared his fingers are gonna leave a mark on Buck’s biceps, but somehow he manages to hold him still. That’s how he finds himself with one knee pressed next to Buck’s left thigh, his hands against his arms and his upper body towering over Buck, who’s somehow sitting on the bench under Eddie. 

Buck looks up at him with red lips and glossy eyes and a warm laugh escapes his lips as Eddie manages to loosen the grip of his hands on him, his touch barely there. He laughs as well, unable to control it, seeing how utterly happy Buck looks, how open and dares he say beautiful he looks smiling like that. 

“Trying to kill me?”, he says, still looking up at him.

Eddie still feels nervous, his legs shaking not by the way they almost fall but by the ghost of Buck’s lips on him, but there’s something inside him that urges him forward and he lifts his body up for a second just so he can press his left knee on the other side of Buck’s body, straddling him as he simply tells him, “Maybe” just as he wraps his hands around Buck’s shoulders. 

He’s so lost in the way the heat of his body around Buck feels that he almost misses the way Buck sighs loudly, closing his eyes for more than a second and bites his own bottom lip. 

The position is almost awkward, how Eddie’s upper body is a bit larger than Buck’s so he’s completely towering over him, their faces not as close as they were when they were chest to chest. In a swift movement, Buck rests his hands on his waist and now’s Eddie who forgets how to breathe properly. He lowers his body a bit so he’s sitting on top of Buck, still taller than him, but he still manages to press their foreheads together, breathing heavily against Buck’s skin and closing his eyes.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that”, Bucks says clearly, but it almost feels as a whisper as he keeps rubbing his hands against Eddie’s middle. 

Eddie smiles, opening his eyes and creating a bit of distance between their faces so he can look at Buck properly, “Really?”

Buck laughs, “Are you kidding me? Oh my god, Eddie”, he tells him. 

“Does that mean you’re spending New Year’s Eve with us?”, he asks without being able to stop smiling.

Buck laughs again and it’s music to his ears. “I don’t know, what do you think, huh?”, he teases him.

“Oh, shut up”, Eddie says and kisses him again, curving his body in a strange way so he can properly kiss him again, taste him, make him understand there’s no way he’s not spending every single minute next to him now he knows he can have him in every way he’s been dreaming to for months.

Buck kisses him back and Eddie’s quite aware anyone could see them if they went downstairs or even if they stood next to the railing and looked down, glass doors giving it all away. Maybe that’s the reason why after a couple of minutes kissing Buck, feeling the heat growing intensely between their bodies, hands going up and down, Eddie manages to bring himself to stop, separating his face from Buck’s and looking down at him with pleading eyes. 

“We need to—”

“Yes, ugh, yeah, I know”, Buck tells him, hiding his face on his neck, brushing his nose against his skin. 

Right there, holding Buck’s body with his own, there’s the cripping feeling that maybe, just maybe, they’re not on the same page. Eddie’s body freezes and Buck must realise it because he brings his face away from Eddie’s neck and looks up at him, hands still on his waist. “What’s wrong?”

Eddie frowns and looks at him in the eyes. “Nothing’s wrong”, he simply says.

“Eddie”, Buck almost pleads him.

“Are we—? Look, I know this isn’t the right time but… Is this…? Are we—? Fuck”. Eddie feels frustrated, like he can’t come up with the right words. He lifts his left arm from Buck’s shoulders and rests his forehead on his palm, slightly elbowing Buck on the place where his neck and his shoulder meet. He sighs loudly, closing his eyes and cursing himself.

“Hey”, Buck says, his right hand coming up to this neck, trying to turn his face and make Eddie look at him. When he decides to let go and look back at him, he recognises the way Buck is looking at him, searching his eyes the same way Eddie did a few weeks ago at Buck’s apartment, when he was doubting himself about his ability to take care of Christopher after the tsunami. “Talk to me, come on”. The way he says it, so gentle and calm, staring back at Eddie like he holds the world in his hands, he really can’t say no to that.

“I— Okay, Buck, listen. I don’t want to just spend Christmas with you, or New Year’s Eve or whatever. It’s… It’s more than that, okay? I don’t want this to be just  _ this  _ and if you don’t feel the same then that’s okay, but I want more”. He doesn’t breathe in between words, so he sighs loudly again, avoiding Buck’s eyes, “I want… I want way more”. And he laughs, more at himself rather than the situation, which only makes him want to crawl into a ball and disappear. Vulnerability has never been his forte, maybe that’s why therapy is still a tricky thing for him, maybe that’s why he’s been trying to hold up this moment, so he didn’t have to completely open himself to Buck, to anyone. 

He dares to look at Buck again. He sees him shake his head slightly, with a faint of a smile on his lips, pressing his upper teeth on his bottom lip. He surges forward, kissing him again, this time just a peck, a sweet and quick kiss Eddie isn’t sure what it means yet. “I want the same thing. Never doubt that, never. We’re together, okay?”, Buck says, and Eddie feels like he can breathe again.

They both smile at each other, two gentle smiles that turn into laughs when they wake up from their little bubble and realize they’re still pressed together under the bright light of the changing room, with dozens of eyes threatening them to discover what’s going on between them, something Eddie doesn’t want yet, not when it’s new even if it feels so natural and so right, not when he’s still pressed against Buck’s body and is not quite ready to let go. But he does, he gets up after kissing him again for just a second, not getting enough of the way Buck always responds, not just with his lips but with his whole body, pressing his hands against his body and keeping him safe. 

It’s just when Eddie stands that he realizes the situation between his legs, visible in his work pants. He cups himself for a brief second, looking up at Buck, already standing and facing him, quickly following Eddie’s hand before looking back at his eyes, a blush covering his cheeks. Eddie laughs, a bit embarrassed until he sees the way Buck touches his belt, trying to loosen up his pants and he presses his lips together, meeting Buck’s eyes before both of them just turn their eyes away and start laughing, wet laughs that only give away the effect they have on each other.

“To be continued, huh?”, Buck says, not meeting Eddie’s eyes just yet but a cheeky smile on his face. It’s just when he dares to look at him again that Eddie smiles and nods, slightly biting his bottom lip, feeling frustrated, wishing they could be at home alone, their bodies pressed together. 

“Okay, alright, okay”, Buck says quickly, moving his legs and looking at Eddie before scattering their background through the glass door, even looking up, checking no one is around, “You go first”

Eddie smiles and nods again, unable to stop looking at Buck, waiting for him to look back at him to wink at him and start turning around, almost bumping into the glass.

“Go!”, Buck says, laughing and waving his hand at him. 

When Eddie goes upstairs, he looks for Christopher, who looks up at him and with a frown asks him where he’s been. “Sorry buddy, what did I miss?”, he asks his son, putting his arms on his shoulders and listening to what he has to say. 

Eddie makes the mistake of looking up when Christopher has finished telling him they’re about to open the presents, only to find Hen and Chim looking at him like they quite can’t believe him. He’s not able to wipe the grin on his face when he sees them smiling at him, and he decides that’s a conversation for another moment. 

Five minutes after, Eddie’s body is pressed against the arcade they have at the station, his hands pressed against his abuela's shoulder, both of them looking at the way Buck is kneeling next to Christopher, waiting for him to open his present - it’s just then when Eddie knows it: better days are about to come and that’s all he could ask for. 

**Author's Note:**

> *wipes tears* I just love them so much


End file.
